​5 Signs You’re Ready to Date Again

5 Signs You're Ready to Date Again by James Russell Lingerfelt


You are the only person who will know when you’re ready to pursue another romantic relationship. But here’s 5 insights to help you along.
  
1. You’re ready to be completely and utterly unselfish.
 
The worse question we can ask in relationships is, “What’s in it for me?”
 
Until you’re ready to place another person’s desires and needs above your own, stay single. There’s still some things you need to take care of in your life before you take on the responsibility of caring for another.

Any relationship requires giving and receiving, of course, but if both spouses strove for this mentality, the relationship will be healthy. 
 
 
2. You’re no longer afraid to be open and honest about your needs and wants.
 
Do you have the courage to express your needs and desires to a potential partner?
 
When we’re kids, we hope our girlfriend or boyfriend will just figure it out. When they do, without being told, they’re portrayed as heroes. But that’s naïve. No one is psychic. A mature adult understands the necessity of effective and open communication.

 3. You know what you want in life.
 
You don’t have it all figured out and you don’t have to. But you do need an idea of where you want your life and/or career to go.
 
When we know what we want, we’re better at planning and expressing our visions, desires, and needs to our partner.
 
 
4. You love yourself.
 
You’re satisfied with who you are. You know and love yourself and you’re comfortable being with yourself.
 
Actually, you’d be fine being single for the rest of your life. You know you have your family and friends.
 
You cannot be the strong person you’re partner needs until you’re satisfied with who you are, first.

A relationship writer named James Michael Sama said, “Single is simply a word to describe someone who is strong enough to live their life by themselves until the right person comes along to share it with.” He hit the nail on the head.
 
 
5. Your past ex is history.
 
You truly wish your ex a happy life… and would say no to them if he or she tried to come back.
 
How unfair would it be to date and eventually marry someone while your heart is still open to another? It’s possible that person from your past could return, asking for another chance. If you’re committed to another, how strong will you be?
 
 
In Closing,

When you commit to the right person, you’ll know there’s no one else who can compete with his or her place in your life.
 
You’ve spent enough time together, you know him or her, you know their families well, and the future looks bright.

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Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever! 









Did you like this article? Buy 
The Mason Jar, a coming of age love story from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. The novel helps readers find healing after severed relationships. 

Alabama Irish, the sequel to The Mason Jar, is now available. Buy it now! This coming of age love story teaches readers the necessity of honesty and openness in the pursuit of loving, long-lasting relationships.


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10 comments

  • Claire

    Claire Worcester MA

    I'm ready to date and fall in love again. Claire Gedman

    I'm ready to date and fall in love again. Claire Gedman

  • jamesrussell.org

    jamesrussell.org

    Way to go Claire! :)

    Way to go Claire! smile

  • Greg

    Greg Denver

    Four out of five!!!

    Four out of five!!!

  • Amy Frasier

    Amy Frasier Rainsville, Alabama

    Very good advice, my friend. We need to get together again at Susanna's if you come home for Christmas!

    Very good advice, my friend. We need to get together again at Susanna's if you come home for Christmas!

  • Leslie

    Leslie Alabama

    Very good wisdom to impart. I needed this.

    Very good wisdom to impart. I needed this.

  • Kathleen

    Kathleen

    I'm not ready to give up my sense of security or put anyone else's needs ahead of my own. Maybe someday, but it's only been 3 months after ending a 20 year marriage so...

    I'm not ready to give up my sense of security or put anyone else's needs ahead of my own.
    Maybe someday, but it's only been 3 months after ending a 20 year marriage so...

  • Simon

    Simon London

    I'm not sure I agree with putting anyone's needs or desires ahead of your own. That doesn't sound very healthy at all - doesn't it smack of codependency?

    I'm not sure I agree with putting anyone's needs or desires ahead of your own. That doesn't sound very healthy at all - doesn't it smack of codependency?

  • Simon

    Simon London

    James, I'd appreciate a response on my comment above. I've showed your list to my therapist and she is in agreement that point 1 is dangerous advice..... Perhaps I misunderstand your point but "Until you’re ready to place another person’s desires and needs above your own, stay single." is just wrong. I would say quite the opposite - if you feel the need to place another person's desires and needs above your own they stay single. How did you arrive at the conclusion that this is good advice?

    James, I'd appreciate a response on my comment above. I've showed your list to my therapist and she is in agreement that point 1 is dangerous advice..... Perhaps I misunderstand your point but "Until you’re ready to place another person’s desires and needs above your own, stay single." is just wrong. I would say quite the opposite - if you feel the need to place another person's desires and needs above your own they stay single. How did you arrive at the conclusion that this is good advice?

  • jamesrussell.org

    jamesrussell.org

    Hi Simon, It's more the spirit of the paragraph beneath the headline. The problem in most relationships, according to studies and experience (rather than theory) is people's struggles with selfishness: The "What's in it for me?" attitude. Any relationship requires giving and receiving, of course, but if both spouses strove for this mentality, the relationship will be healthy. Your therapist and I may disagree, and that's okay. I'll edit the paragraph a bit more because it does indeed sound a bit too black and white. Thanks for caring and writing to me about it!

    Hi Simon,

    It's more the spirit of the paragraph beneath the headline. The problem in most relationships, according to studies and experience (rather than theory) is people's struggles with selfishness: The "What's in it for me?" attitude. Any relationship requires giving and receiving, of course, but if both spouses strove for this mentality, the relationship will be healthy. Your therapist and I may disagree, and that's okay. I'll edit the paragraph a bit more because it does indeed sound a bit too black and white. Thanks for caring and writing to me about it!

  • Simon

    Simon London

    Thanks James, you're right of course, there's no room for selfish behaviour in a relationship but realising your own needs and desires is as important as nurturing a partners, after all their needs and desires are their responsibility and mine are mine, I guess we can only help them with theirs if they are in line with ours. I am a recovering codependent and advice suggesting that placing others needs ahead of ones own is part of recipe for a healthy relationship is confusing!

    Thanks James, you're right of course, there's no room for selfish behaviour in a relationship but realising your own needs and desires is as important as nurturing a partners, after all their needs and desires are their responsibility and mine are mine, I guess we can only help them with theirs if they are in line with ours. I am a recovering codependent and advice suggesting that placing others needs ahead of ones own is part of recipe for a healthy relationship is confusing!

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