14 Reasons To Never Cheat On Your Spouse

Before You Cheat, 14 Things You Need To Know by Rod Arters. See below for details.

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Cheating seems to be so prevalent today that the question isn’t who is cheating but rather – who isn’t?

Too many treat their most important relationships casually and their commitments as optional. Our microwave mentality (quick and easy) has infiltrated our most sacred institution: marriage.

We even have a reality called Cheaters that is designed to reveal an indiscretion and exploit the humiliation on national television. I’m not sure which is more devastating – discovering your lover’s unfaithfulness or discovering the crushing news at the same time as the train-wreck watching public. We live in a very sad day and age.

I have seen first-hand the destruction of cheating. It devastates relationships and shatters dreams.

If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning. Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford. Before you cheat here are 14 things you really need to know.


1. You will become a liar.

It’s bad enough to bear the title of “Cheater,” but if you cheat, you will also wear the hat of “Liar.” Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end.

“I’m working late at the office tonight” may be a half-truth but you’ll need to redefine the word “working” to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.


2. You will get caught.

It may not be today or tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds.

And everyone likes to share juicy news.


3. You will disappoint everyone.

Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. God. Yourself.


4. You will be a bad example.

We’re either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do. Cheating is a not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life.

If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another? Cheating communicates to everyone that you took the easy road. It tells others that you were willing to cut corners in your most primary relationship.

It reveals that you were not willing to do the hard work and get the help you needed. No one ever admires a cheater. Even if you did a lifetime of good, this one bad deed can erase it all.


5. You will lose your moral authority.

It’s hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn’t. Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose the respect of others.

Not only will you lose their respect, you’ll lose yours. Every moral judgment you make in the future will be weighed against your cheating action of the past. It doesn’t mean you can’t speak the truth in the future, it just means that few will listen to you.


6. You will create trust issues for your spouse.

Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love. Every relationship they have after you will be one that they struggle to trust.

If that were not enough, you will rock the world of children and cause them to question the stability of every meaningful relationship they have. For children, their parents relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.


7. You will lose your standard of living.

Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce.

Betrayed spouses have a way of making you pay and that payment is always expensive. Every check you write is a constant reminder of your foolishness.


8. You will spend years trying to rebuild your life.

Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do.

It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.


9. You will lose relationships.

You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish.

A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It’s hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.


10. You will increase your chances of getting an STD.

Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people. But your paramour is “clean,” right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word.

As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.


11. The grass is not greener on the other side.

The “grass is greener” idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It’s not.

In fact, though it may look greener from a distance – once you get there and make yourself comfortable, something interesting happens – the grass changes color. This usually happens soon after you get caught.


12. You will then see that patch of land differently.

You will also have a strange desire for the green grass you left… except now it is burned and won’t let you back. The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard. Would you want this done to you? Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it’s done to them.

If we all lived by the Golden Rule (“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”) most of life’s problems would be solved overnight. Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.


13. You will eventually regret this decision.

In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful. Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret that you ever partook of the forbidden fruit.

Don’t we all have enough regrets in our lives? Why add another one – particularly one that can only destroy everything you have worked so hard to build? Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.


14. The pain outweighs the gain.

No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer’s office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience. No one loses dear friends and is glad they have one less Christmas card to receive this year.

The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.

In November 2008, I looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I did not like who I had become. I was finally at the point where I was willing to admit the dark side of my soul. Days later, I confessed to my wife and children and church that I had been unfaithful during my marriage.

Needless to say, it was the most difficult series of conversations I have ever had in my life. There is no pain like watching people you love sob in tears because of your selfish actions. Within one year, I had lost everything dear and precious to me.

The 14 points above come from an extremely painful personal experience. I know what it’s like to fall and not be able to get up. Over the last four years, I have had to learn how to tear down my emotional walls – walls that assisted me in getting in trouble in the first place.

I have come to understand the problem with pedestals and have wrestled with the mechanics of forgiveness, even forgiving me.

As difficult as it is, I now embrace my past and appreciate the many regrets. They have become precious to me. As a result of my actions, I have accumulated many scars and now try to learn from each and everyone of them.

I have hit “rock bottom” and realized something amazing in the process. God is still here, even if others are not.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!

This article first appeared as Before You Cheat, 14 Things You Need To Know by Rod Arters. Click on Mr. Arters' name to follow him on the social networks!

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15 comments

  • Madds

    Madds

    This article has helped me a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

    This article has helped me a lot. Thank you so much for sharing. smile

  • kareen

    kareen bronx

    That's so true you can lose it all just by cheating I'll always be faithful

    That's so true you can lose it all just by cheating I'll always be faithful

  • Silja

    Silja

    Thank you.

    Thank you.

  • Anon

    Anon UK

    God is this ever true. I thought I wouldn't get caught. I thougnt she would forgive me if I did. I thought I would forgive myself and it wouldn't change me or affect my standing. Wrong wrong wrong. My life is in bits. I have been in hell for months and even if everyone else were to forgive me I don't know how I will ever forgive myself. As for the person I cheated with - well she's gone from seeing a suave married guy breaking the rules to seeing a snivelling wretch begging forgiveness from his wife and throwing her under a bus. It was not worth it. If there are problems in your marriage fix them. If you can;t fix them then man up and move out so your partner can move on with someone who loves them. Nothing is worth this.

    God is this ever true.

    I thought I wouldn't get caught. I thougnt she would forgive me if I did. I thought I would forgive myself and it wouldn't change me or affect my standing.

    Wrong wrong wrong.

    My life is in bits. I have been in hell for months and even if everyone else were to forgive me I don't know how I will ever forgive myself.

    As for the person I cheated with - well she's gone from seeing a suave married guy breaking the rules to seeing a snivelling wretch begging forgiveness from his wife and throwing her under a bus.

    It was not worth it. If there are problems in your marriage fix them. If you can;t fix them then man up and move out so your partner can move on with someone who loves them.

    Nothing is worth this.

  • Dev

    Dev Mauritius

    I sincerely hope you get your wife back..

    I sincerely hope you get your wife back..

  • Onna

    Onna Home

    Regardless if you believe in a god or not, cheating is wrong period. When you make some kind of commitment to someone and you break it you are always going to be looked upon as a liar. No matter how much you try there will always be that one person who brings it up and rightfully so because forgiveness isn't letting it go. Why? Because if no one brings it up at some point you will start to slip back into old ways and try it again. There truly are NO gray areas in these types of situations. Either you are a faithful and good person or you are not.

    Regardless if you believe in a god or not, cheating is wrong period. When you make some kind of commitment to someone and you break it you are always going to be looked upon as a liar. No matter how much you try there will always be that one person who brings it up and rightfully so because forgiveness isn't letting it go. Why? Because if no one brings it up at some point you will start to slip back into old ways and try it again. There truly are NO gray areas in these types of situations. Either you are a faithful and good person or you are not.

  • Amadeos

    Amadeos Little Rock AR

    Great article, the sad part is that no matter how much people, or common sense, or articles like this will tell you not to do it, the cheater will do it anyway. It is like drug addiction, just telling a person not to do drugs wont make that person stop doing it unless some horrible, life changing event take place. The only way to understand it is by going through with it, getting caught only then the explanation of why you shouldn't cheat will materialize in your head, I am the cheater, I cheated on the love of my life, I knew better not to and I still did it, I will not go in to the details of what happened, but the aftermath was devastating, lets just say, now I am left alone, without my beautiful and wonderful girlfriend, no friends, not future, I will turn 32 on Christmas and I will be alone in my lonely apartment, celebrating third of my life wasted on a one night thrill. I destroyed my girlfriend with that act, I finally realized what I actually had with her, we had a good future ahead of us. No I am just a lonely scumbag in a very dark place in my life. Me metal state is detreating, I am having constant heartaches, my guts in constant pain, my balls are hurting, my body is in constant pain and shock, I feel more worthless now than I did before, I was always insecure despite major blessings in my life (Tall, good-looking, good job, education ), I am a walking zombie, I go to work only because I need to make money, I socialize only because I have to get through basic need of human communication to express myself, in reality I am an empty shell of my old self, suicide thoughts almost on daily bases, even though I am not going to do it, but my brain racing from thoughts and guilt, that the only way to stop is by bashing my head against the wall. What else...it's been 4 weeks, and I still have nightmares that wake me up at night, last night a man with Osiris looking mask, black color skin, and sharp red teeth, was creeping towards me slowly to take my soul, I woke up, I had a nightmare, I woke up in tears scared, lonely and afraid...grown ass man...you will lose any respect for yourself, you will regret it for the rest of your life...if I can save somebody please don't do it, own it, talk to your SO, I wish I did, but I was blind and deaf to the fact, all I wanted that night when I cheated is to get off, and I couldn't even do that...cheap thrill that lasted very short time turned in to a life long nightmare...don't do it, it will be horrible, don't do it it is not wroth it, you will destroy her...you will destroy yourself...

    Great article, the sad part is that no matter how much people, or common sense, or articles like this will tell you not to do it, the cheater will do it anyway. It is like drug addiction, just telling a person not to do drugs wont make that person stop doing it unless some horrible, life changing event take place. The only way to understand it is by going through with it, getting caught only then the explanation of why you shouldn't cheat will materialize in your head, I am the cheater, I cheated on the love of my life, I knew better not to and I still did it, I will not go in to the details of what happened, but the aftermath was devastating, lets just say, now I am left alone, without my beautiful and wonderful girlfriend, no friends, not future, I will turn 32 on Christmas and I will be alone in my lonely apartment, celebrating third of my life wasted on a one night thrill. I destroyed my girlfriend with that act, I finally realized what I actually had with her, we had a good future ahead of us. No I am just a lonely scumbag in a very dark place in my life. Me metal state is detreating, I am having constant heartaches, my guts in constant pain, my balls are hurting, my body is in constant pain and shock, I feel more worthless now than I did before, I was always insecure despite major blessings in my life (Tall, good-looking, good job, education ), I am a walking zombie, I go to work only because I need to make money, I socialize only because I have to get through basic need of human communication to express myself, in reality I am an empty shell of my old self, suicide thoughts almost on daily bases, even though I am not going to do it, but my brain racing from thoughts and guilt, that the only way to stop is by bashing my head against the wall. What else...it's been 4 weeks, and I still have nightmares that wake me up at night, last night a man with Osiris looking mask, black color skin, and sharp red teeth, was creeping towards me slowly to take my soul, I woke up, I had a nightmare, I woke up in tears scared, lonely and afraid...grown ass man...you will lose any respect for yourself, you will regret it for the rest of your life...if I can save somebody please don't do it, own it, talk to your SO, I wish I did, but I was blind and deaf to the fact, all I wanted that night when I cheated is to get off, and I couldn't even do that...cheap thrill that lasted very short time turned in to a life long nightmare...don't do it, it will be horrible, don't do it it is not wroth it, you will destroy her...you will destroy yourself...

  • Paul

    Paul NC

    My wife and I are having some major problems in the area of sex. Among many reasons and issues, she just never wants to. I've been in contact with a fling from the past and so far it's moved forward through every stage of adultry minus the act of cheating which is right around the corner and I am so scared. I love my wife and I know how wrong it is and this article has definitely brought me back to earth in reminding me what I will lose. I will fight to fix this. Thank you for sharing your experience, it has helped me more than you know

    My wife and I are having some major problems in the area of sex. Among many reasons and issues, she just never wants to. I've been in contact with a fling from the past and so far it's moved forward through every stage of adultry minus the act of cheating which is right around the corner and I am so scared. I love my wife and I know how wrong it is and this article has definitely brought me back to earth in reminding me what I will lose. I will fight to fix this. Thank you for sharing your experience, it has helped me more than you know

  • jamesrussell.org

    jamesrussell.org

    Hi Paul, may I recommend you find a licensed marriage and family therapist and speak with him/her about this. He/she will be able to steer you in an appropriate direction. I wish you all the best, JRL

    Hi Paul, may I recommend you find a licensed marriage and family therapist and speak with him/her about this. He/she will be able to steer you in an appropriate direction. I wish you all the best, JRL

  • John

    John Usa

    Tempted and fighting to hang in there. Thank you for such a persuasive and well composed essay. This is great.

    Tempted and fighting to hang in there. Thank you for such a persuasive and well composed essay. This is great.

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    May We All Get The Grace To Overcome Temptations.

    May We All Get The Grace To Overcome Temptations.

  • A.N

    A.N KSA

    I needed to hear this, and I'm a woman. Thank you.

    I needed to hear this, and I'm a woman. Thank you.

  • A.C

    A.C NY

    I'm a woman, I haven't cheated and I'm married. I don't want to cheat and have sex with someone else. I wanted to kiss someone else, to feel the passion and excitement again. But thank you, because of this article I decided not to do anything.

    I'm a woman, I haven't cheated and I'm married. I don't want to cheat and have sex with someone else. I wanted to kiss someone else, to feel the passion and excitement again. But thank you, because of this article I decided not to do anything.

  • MerMaid

    MerMaid

    the bitter truth about my marriage comes to surface after being hidden for 14 years (out of 20 years marriage) that was 4 years ago until today i still cant find the simple question,"Why""

    the bitter truth about my marriage comes to surface after being hidden for 14 years (out of 20 years marriage)
    that was 4 years ago

    until today i still cant find the simple question,"Why""

  • Rasoul

    Rasoul Iran

    To be honest, I was going to cheat on my wife and was extremely tempted, I talked to a colleague of mine and we were to visit in the office early morning tomorrow before everyone arrives to "talk". I love my wife and don't wanna cheat on her. This article helped me a lot. Appreciate it.

    To be honest, I was going to cheat on my wife and was extremely tempted, I talked to a colleague of mine and we were to visit in the office early morning tomorrow before everyone arrives to "talk".
    I love my wife and don't wanna cheat on her. This article helped me a lot. Appreciate it.

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