5 Dating Tips To Remember Before Dating Someone by James Russell Lingerfelt
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According to Van Epp studies, it takes three months to begin to know someone, and two years to truly know someone. You get to Know someone before you Trust them - not vice versa.
After you know you can Trust someone, then you can allow yourself to Rely on them (however that's manifested i.e., meeting wants and needs). Then, after Know, Trust, Rely, which takes two years, you are allowed to consider Commitment to each other.
Before all that, here's 5 qualities to seek in someone before dating them.
1. Don't settle for less than what you want in a dating partner - even if you'll be single forever.
It's better to be single than to date or marry someone you know isn't a good fit for you.
I've been shocked at the number of people who have said, "I just wanted to get married" or "I just wanted a girlfriend/boyfriend" after they expressed regret over dating or marrying the wrong person.
"I didn't want to be alone" or "I was afraid of growing old and alone" they said.
Singleness isn't a time to mourn being single and lonely - that's self pity and is a form of selfishness. Even in marriage, we'll experience loneliness. Let us focus on pursuing goals, dreams, passions, and bettering ourselves as people.
Being in a relationship was never supposed to be about "me" anyway. Relationships is about us loving and serving and investing ourselves into another's person's life... for the rest of our own.
2. Date someone who is kind to people they don't like.
Guess what? When you date and marry someone, once the infatuation dissipates and normal life resumes, there will be days when that person will hate you. During those times, how will that person treat you?
Pay close attention to how your love interest treats their family members. I cannot express that enough. Because one day, if you marry the person you date, you'll be a family member and be treated likewise.
3. Seek intelligence over "hotness" and status.
I've known the girl who became more beautiful the more I came to know her. I know the girl who was hot and then turned into a slob after she was "finally" married. "I'm married, whew, now I can just let myself go." Guys have done it, too.
Date someone you can have long, deep conversations with. Someone who loves the same things as yourself. Once you're married, your partner is the last person you'll see when you go to sleep, and the first person you'll see when you wake.
Conflict, traumas, dramas, then all your new, wonderful experiences, events worth celebrating, and days when the world couldn't be better, all will be lived alongside your partner.
What will they be whispering into your ear? Will they be tearing you down or building you up? Will their attitude enrich your life or tear you down?
And that leads us into #4.
4. Seek depth over someone who's smart.
If the person is deep, he or she is smart. However, someone can be smart, and not deep.
If he or she can carry on those deep, long conversations with you, not cutting you off or poking fun at you when you share intimate facts about your life and past, perk up. He or she is a good communicator, can empathize with you (not criticize when they don't understand you) which is essential in healthy relationships.
If he or she is a reader, even better. I read a study last year which showed that people who read a lot (I don't mean Cosmopolitan or Maxim mags) are much more capable of expressing compassion and empathy toward others.
Why? They've been exposed to diverse views, experiences, and world views from various characters living in different cultures and contexts.
5. If you want to get married one day, date someone who wants to get married.
I've known people who dated someone for years, and later expressed sadness for that decision, knowing all along that the other person didn't want to get married.
All those years were invested into that relationship, and now they want to leave, but feel stuck. "If I leave her, it will hurt her" or "If I leave him, I'll be alone again." Don't make that mistake.
Remember, it is better to be alone with space to explore, learn, and grow, than to be unhappily married to someone who isn't a good fit for you.
Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!
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