5 Signs It’s Time to Move On... From That Person

5 Signs It’s Time to Move On... From That Person by James Russell Lingerfelt

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When we’re in love, it's difficult to look at our relationship objectively. We tend to dwell on the beauties of the relationship and make excuses for our loved one when he or she behaves badly. Here's 5 signs it's time to move on.


1. Are they trying to change you? 

If so, they don’t love who you are right now. You’re not "good enough."

You have family and friends in your life who believe you’re freaking awesome. Listen to them rather than people who don’t truly know you.  


2. Do they treat you badly but say they love you?

What are their actions over long periods of time? My grandfather taught me, “Don’t pay attention to what people say. Pay attention to what they do.” 

In my experience, people say a lot depending on their views or emotions at that given time and place. If they say they love you but don’t like spending time with you unless you’re doing them favors… they don't value you as much as the loved ones you already have in your life.


3. Do you place effort in trying to make them love you more? 

You feel like you’re the only one trying in the relationship. What happened to meeting each other in the middle? 

When my dad and brother married, they said loving and marrying their wives was a very natural progression. They never had to perform for her or try to talk her into anything. The love and respect with their women was mutual and it blossomed naturally.

If you’re forcing everything or if you give and give, and they take and take... aren't there other people already in your life who deeply love you? Can you make better use of your time and energy investing into their lives?


4. Do they value your charm and physical beauty more than your character? 

Our charm comes in spurts and our physical beauty fades. At the end of the day, are they able to get enough of you? Are you able to get enough of them? That helps us discern “attraction to image” versus “attraction to person.” 


5. Is he or she aloof? 

If they’re always looking for someone they think could be a better fit, or if they don’t want to be seen in public with you... that's a clear sign to get out.
You can find a better fit for yourself than someone who treats you bad.


In Closing:

When I stopped asking myself, "Am I good enough for her?" or "Is she good enough for me?" and I instead began asking, "Are we a good fit?" my behavior toward relationships of all kinds changed drastically - and for the better.

I was in love once and only once, but things didn’t work out with her. Now my attitude is, “Until that comes again, I’ll stay in love with my family, my friends, my goals, and my life passions.” Adopting this attitude has resulted in my life being much, much richer.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!

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Did you like this article? Buy 
The Mason Jar, a coming of age love story from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. The novel helps readers find healing after severed relationships.

Alabama Irish, the sequel to The Mason Jar, is now available. Buy it now! This coming of age love story teaches readers the necessity of honesty and openness in the pursuit of loving, long-lasting relationships.


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7 comments

  • Caroline Trudell

    Caroline Trudell California

    Hi James. I agree with you in this writing of "Time to Move On". I think we as a culture tend to think we can fix things when a loving relationship is respect for who you are as an individual. In the hopes that you attracted that individual for the beauty of your heart and soul as opposed to what you can do for them. Unconditional love is acceptance and understanding on both parts.

    Hi James. I agree with you in this writing of "Time to Move On". I think we as a culture tend to think we can fix things when a loving relationship is respect for who you are as an individual. In the hopes that you attracted that individual for the beauty of your heart and soul as opposed to what you can do for them. Unconditional love is acceptance and understanding on both parts.

  • jamesrussell.org

    jamesrussell.org

    Hi Caroline, Thank you for your note. I think you hit the nail on the head. All the best to you, James

    Hi Caroline,
    Thank you for your note. I think you hit the nail on the head.
    All the best to you,
    James

  • Dalis

    Dalis Cambodia

    Sigh, I have a long distance relationship and most of the time I am the one who try to have communication with him. He is not the one who just saying, he will say what he meant to say and he will do it. His personality is not to share his feeling or maters to anyone. I dont want to change him but sometime I am tired to start communicate first because I feel I am the one who is trying.

    Sigh, I have a long distance relationship and most of the time I am the one who try to have communication with him. He is not the one who just saying, he will say what he meant to say and he will do it. His personality is not to share his feeling or maters to anyone. I dont want to change him but sometime I am tired to start communicate first because I feel I am the one who is trying.

  • Lynda

    Lynda Caribbean

    I just love the closing! My interpretation:- celebrate your awesomeness passionately with the awesome people in your life. Someone just as awesome may show up wanting to join forces and create even more passionate awesomeness! In the meantime, you've wasted no time being un-awesome. It's trite but true - "enjoy/stay in the present, for it's a gift...at least until the future shows up anyway

    I just love the closing! My interpretation:- celebrate your awesomeness passionately with the awesome people in your life. Someone just as awesome may show up wanting to join forces and create even more passionate awesomeness! In the meantime, you've wasted no time being un-awesome. It's trite but true - "enjoy/stay in the present, for it's a gift...at least until the future shows up anyway

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous Some where on the Mississippi River

    James, I guess, I should congratulate you on not settling and jumping in on the marriage bandwagon. It's a rough game out there..I am married with kids, as you are not...I am truly blessed that I have two parents, who love and respect each other and are happy! I think my husbands parents are the same? Sadly, they only live in their bubble and really aren't excepting to others outside of it...This isn't a ethnic or religious situation; but an only child situation. It stinks! I always wanted the same situation. I Believe in true love and I believe in family and I will leave a loving everybody as much as you can, but sometimes life is just not so easy! So how do you find love when you're married with kids all over again do you have that answer???

    James,
    I guess, I should congratulate you on not settling and jumping in on the marriage bandwagon. It's a rough game out there..I am married with kids, as you are not...I am truly blessed that I have two parents, who love and respect each other and are happy! I think my husbands parents are the same? Sadly, they only live in their bubble and really aren't excepting to others outside of it...This isn't a ethnic or religious situation; but an only child situation. It stinks!
    I always wanted the same situation. I Believe in true love and I believe in family and I will leave a loving everybody as much as you can, but sometimes life is just not so easy! So how do you find love when you're married with kids all over again do you have that answer???

  • jamesrussell.org

    jamesrussell.org

    Hi Missa, are you asking for yourself or for a friend? If for yourself, I presume you mean how you find love with your current husband. In my experience listening to couples, you have to understand that our relationship changes with the people we love as we grow. We must learn to embrace those changes rather than wish for the previous phases such as the honeymoon. The best love I've seen hasn't been with the young, but with the aged who have been married to the same person through children and grandchildren and who have chosen to be affectionate and kind and compassionate to each other. I'd say, "Love the one you're with, but understand the love will be manifested differently than it was when you were young." I always suggest you speak with a wise woman in your life who is older and experienced and who will be open and transparent with you. I hope that helps!

    Hi Missa, are you asking for yourself or for a friend?
    If for yourself, I presume you mean how you find love with your current husband. In my experience listening to couples, you have to understand that our relationship changes with the people we love as we grow. We must learn to embrace those changes rather than wish for the previous phases such as the honeymoon. The best love I've seen hasn't been with the young, but with the aged who have been married to the same person through children and grandchildren and who have chosen to be affectionate and kind and compassionate to each other. I'd say, "Love the one you're with, but understand the love will be manifested differently than it was when you were young." I always suggest you speak with a wise woman in your life who is older and experienced and who will be open and transparent with you. I hope that helps!

  • Ellen

    Ellen Branson

    I agree completely. I was married once and was good, we divorced and should have never happened. I was afraid to say anything. We ended going to remarry but I didn’t, make out here in time. He passed 5 years next month. I dated last summer and it was going very well. He had been divorced for 2 years and wife passed a year ago last November. He had a lady post about it a couple months before the year date. He got so somber. He went to Georgia to stay warm. He rides a motorcycle. He came back once and left. Durning the anniversary he didn’t,t call it was in January of this year he called. He addmitted he was drinking bad and over medicated. He did call a few times and is on FB again. He did post this to mr. I posted a thing that made me look much younger and that’s what a good face life looks like. He post on it this. “You are a beautiful soal that has earned your countenance”. I think it means that I am beautiful inside and earned my wrinkles a gray hair and nothing more. I wish it was more. I so think he is not over his wife. He told me he loved me and wanted me to go with him. On the phone he just you know how it is. I think I do, my very first summer fling. I am getting a dog. She is older and needs good treatment, yep we will do good together.

    I agree completely. I was married once and was good, we divorced and should have never happened. I was afraid to say anything. We ended going to remarry but I didn’t, make out here in time. He passed 5 years next month. I dated last summer and it was going very well. He had been divorced for 2 years and wife passed a year ago last November. He had a lady post about it a couple months before the year date. He got so somber. He went to Georgia to stay warm. He rides a motorcycle. He came back once and left. Durning the anniversary he didn’t,t call it was in January of this year he called. He addmitted he was drinking bad and over medicated. He did call a few times and is on FB again. He did post this to mr. I posted a thing that made me look much younger and that’s what a good face life looks like. He post on it this. “You are a beautiful soal that has earned your countenance”. I think it means that I am beautiful inside and earned my wrinkles a gray hair and nothing more. I wish it was more. I so think he is not over his wife. He told me he loved me and wanted me to go with him. On the phone he just you know how it is. I think I do, my very first summer fling. I am getting a dog. She is older and needs good treatment, yep we will do good together.

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