1 Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman

The One Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman by James Michael Sama. See below for details. 

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I was asked a very interesting question last night that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, so I decided to write something on the topic. I certainly don’t want to sound cynical or judgmental, but I have brushed over the topic lightly in previous articles and I believe it is something a lot of people can relate to.

This was the question: Are you encouraged by the women you see out there? Or are you as discouraged as most of us girls?

This really made me start to think. I wanted to say that I meet countless amazing women all the time and guys are the ones who need to change and improve and they would suddenly come across their fairy tale princess because there are so many out there waiting to be swept off of their feet.

But, that’s just not true.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been privileged to meet some incredible human beings of both genders in my travels and I am fully aware that they are out there.

In fact I find that the vast majority of my readers fit into this category, as they are looking to have meaningful discussions, learn more, and help the rest of us learn more as well. I certainly do not want to generalize everyone here, but I think we can all agree there is a severe lack of one quality in today’s society:

Depth.

By ‘depth,’ I mean people whose personality is as attractive as their appearance, or even more so. I began thinking about all of the time I spend at events where I have met fantastic people, and then I start thinking of those in our generation(s) who just seem to be caught up in the glitz and glam and wonder.

Could I really bring her around my family? Could we spend a weekend away somewhere relaxing with family or friends and just…hang out? Not have to do anything, enjoy each other’s company and just – be?

Most often, the answer is ‘eh, probably not.’

Depth, class, integrity, whatever you want to call it – Men are searching for women who they can picture as an equal part of their life. Someone who they can share their passions with and really connect with.

Someone who they can have meaningful conversations with. Someone they can sit across from at the dinner table night after night and never get bored.

This is what’s missing.

Not just in women, but in men as well – I realize that. But the majority of my articles are about the shortcomings of the modern man and I truthfully believe there is reflection that needs to be done by both genders if we are really going to solve the problems that are facing our generations in terms of dating and relationships.

And this is a big part of it.

This is a big part of it because without this depth we are going to continue along the path we are already on – the hookup culture that judges people on looks and “In a Relationship” just being a Facebook update that doesn’t carry any real meaning.

It’s simply an association with another person that can be broken off at any time. We are not taking the time to bond with each other. We are not taking the time to develop ourselves emotionally, which is the only way we will be able to truly relate to another person.

When someone asks me what I want in a partner, in a teammate, one of the first words that comes to mind is: Depth. That is what is going to allow a connection to form, when, and only when – two people have the depth necessary to cultivate it.

Physical attraction is important. A great smile is important. Someone who takes care of themselves physically is important. But it is not important enough to bring a couple through hard times. It is not important enough to build a foundation on. It is not important enough to actually make someone want to commit to you.

We, as a society, spend too much time emphasizing the importance of improving the body and not enough time discussing the importance of also improving the mind. Too much of one or the other, and our relationships will flounder.

Needless to say, I am speaking in generalities here. There are thousands upon thousands of great people in the world whom none of this applies to, but my point is – they are hard to find. And, I think we all know that.

Where are the women out there who are concerned with more than just their newest pair of Louboutins or the hottest new nightlife spot? Where are the women who want to build a real, meaningful relationship with a man who wants the same? Where are the women who are going to be up front and honest about their wants and needs?

Stand up, because we are looking for you.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!

This article first appeared as The One Rare Quality Men Want In A Woman by James Michael Sama. Click on his name to follow him on the social networks! 

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13 comments

  • Barbara Gore
    Barbara Gore
    Very helpful post, Thank You James!

    Very helpful post, Thank You James!

  • Camille
    Camille CA
    Love this post. Which is so true in finding someone with real depth and willing to open up themselves and trust. Like what he wrote... When someone asks me what I want in a partner, in a teammate, one of the first words that comes to mind is: Depth. That is what is going to allow a connection to form, when, and only when – two people have the depth necessary to cultivate it.

    Love this post. Which is so true in finding someone with real depth and willing to open up themselves and trust. Like what he wrote... When someone asks me what I want in a partner, in a teammate, one of the first words that comes to mind is: Depth. That is what is going to allow a connection to form, when, and only when – two people have the depth necessary to cultivate it.

  • Sue Riggs
    Sue Riggs Northern Oklahoma
    Genuineness is a trait I look for...pretensive men, women for that matter, is a turn off. If you can not be who you are and share life with others, learn from those that can...you will attract more friends and significant others that enjoy being with someone that is comfortable in their own skin. It is easier than pretending. Be who you are:)

    Genuineness is a trait I look for...pretensive men, women for that matter, is a turn off. If you can not be who you are and share life with others, learn from those that can...you will attract more friends and significant others that enjoy being with someone that is comfortable in their own skin. It is easier than pretending. Be who you aresmile

  • sharini
    sharini Sri Lanka
    We are here, but there is also a reason why we keep a low profile. We live in a cruel world. and humanity, and qualities no longer has great value.

    We are here, but there is also a reason why we keep a low profile. We live in a cruel world. and humanity, and qualities no longer has great value.

  • Joanna
    Joanna Oshawa Ontario
    Sue said, be who you are. Most people are shallow, yes, they are who they are and they feel comfortable in their own skin, and don't have any desire to grow. Ironically , the ones with depth have people in their lives who are shallow, who go with the flow. Why it's that ? Here I am and my oldest daughter. We are up front what we need and what we want. We have this depth but it seems hard to find the partner with the same quality.From my own observation I can say there is more women than men to whom personal growth is important. Trust has been mention here. Well, for many being careless telling the truth is like daily bread. No way you can build strong connection and deeply relate when you are dealing with a dishonest person. And such a people , based on my own observations, are not human beings, they are human doings so to speak. I wish I could meet a man with mind, ethics and morals equally attractive as his physical appearance. Man with depth.

    Sue said, be who you are. Most people are shallow, yes, they are who they are and they feel comfortable in their own skin, and don't have any desire to grow. Ironically , the ones with depth have people in their lives who are shallow, who go with the flow. Why it's that ? Here I am and my oldest daughter. We are up front what we need and what we want. We have this depth but it seems hard to find the partner with the same quality.From my own observation I can say there is more women than men to whom personal growth is important.
    Trust has been mention here. Well, for many being careless telling the truth is like daily bread. No way you can build strong connection and deeply relate when you are dealing with a dishonest person. And such a people , based on my own observations, are not human beings, they are human doings so to speak. I wish I could meet a man with mind, ethics and morals equally attractive as his physical appearance. Man with depth.

  • Bethann
    Bethann CT
    I've been searching for 40 years for a MAN with depth, class & integrity. the pickings are slim!

    I've been searching for 40 years for a MAN with depth, class & integrity. the pickings are slim!

  • Elaine
    Elaine Michigan
    Probably the best article I have read in a very long time! One we should all pay close attention to, but especially the very young. Peer pressure can be cruel and I think goes way beyond adolescence into 20's and even 30's for many people. Thanks for your beautifully written article.

    Probably the best article I have read in a very long time! One we should all pay close attention to, but especially the very young. Peer pressure can be cruel and I think goes way beyond adolescence into 20's and even 30's for many people. Thanks for your beautifully written article.

  • Dan
    Dan Cincinnati, OH
    Interesting how all the comments so far have been from women. Where are the guys? Maybe most guys are not interested in DEPTH and prefer to just have that trophy wife by their side. It does no matter how good looking you are if there is no depth. Beauty grows as you really get to know someone. Depth it is for me if I can just find her.

    Interesting how all the comments so far have been from women. Where are the guys? Maybe most guys are not interested in DEPTH and prefer to just have that trophy wife by their side. It does no matter how good looking you are if there is no depth. Beauty grows as you really get to know someone. Depth it is for me if I can just find her.

  • Regina
    Regina Humble, Texas
    Thank you for a very interesting- article for the considerations of the mature minded. I often wonder where these men are - we are here single mothers (with grown children)- waiting The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” h grown children) - weary and distorted spirited- daily seeking and not finding where the mere intelligence and intellectual are? - CC Jung. Be blessed....

    Thank you for a very interesting- article for the considerations of the mature minded. I often wonder where these men are - we are here single mothers (with grown children)- waiting
    The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” h grown children) - weary and distorted spirited- daily seeking and not finding where the mere intelligence and intellectual are? - CC Jung.
    Be blessed....

  • Celia
    Celia Philippines
    It's a sad state of affairs, expecially among the young ones, that now relationships are fleeting and just a matter of Facebook friendship. Eyeball and casual sex - no commitment what so ever. Just the other day, I was thinking of the word "intimacy" - what is intimacy all about? Is it the casual sex only that you explore each other's bodies and enjoy each other? I doubt very much that this is the essence of intimacy. To me, intimacy is not only physical sharing, but more of mental, psychological and emotional sharing. Where you communicate and be honest with each other. Where you can tell each other your secrets and not be afraid to be judged. Where you can be comforted by just hugging and holding each other when things go wrong. Where you "almost" know what the other person is thinking about - not guessing - but feeling and empathizing because you have share so much that you "just know." When little things of caring is romantic and loving. That is just the surface and there is more. But to me, it's enough, for a start. .

    It's a sad state of affairs, expecially among the young ones, that now relationships are fleeting and just a matter of Facebook friendship. Eyeball and casual sex - no commitment what so ever.

    Just the other day, I was thinking of the word "intimacy" - what is intimacy all about? Is it the casual sex only that you explore each other's bodies and enjoy each other? I doubt very much that this is the essence of intimacy.

    To me, intimacy is not only physical sharing, but more of mental, psychological and emotional sharing. Where you communicate and be honest with each other. Where you can tell each other your secrets and not be afraid to be judged. Where you can be comforted by just hugging and holding each other when things go wrong. Where you "almost" know what the other person is thinking about - not guessing - but feeling and empathizing because you have share so much that you "just know." When little things of caring is romantic and loving.

    That is just the surface and there is more. But to me, it's enough, for a start.
    .

  • Babsy
    Babsy Jamaica
    I am an ardent reader of your articles. I must say this one I find quite interesting. To find someone whose "personality is as attractive as their appearance, or even more so" your words, is a big challenge. Not to sound sexist but I believe men or most men these days are not quiet looking for personality it's more of appearance. That's where the problem lies when women tries to match this tempary, yes tempary appearance that shades the true personality. There are women and men with great personalities but we need to spend time to connect to that individual who possess them.

    I am an ardent reader of your articles. I must say this one I find quite interesting. To find someone whose "personality is as attractive as their appearance, or even more so" your words, is a big challenge. Not to sound sexist but I believe men or most men these days are not quiet looking for personality it's more of appearance. That's where the problem lies when women tries to match this tempary, yes tempary appearance that shades the true personality. There are women and men with great personalities but we need to spend time to connect to that individual who possess them.

  • Sophie
    Sophie Paris, France
    Spot on! Thank you so much. My life partner is to be my best friend, with whom I can talk about everything; problem solve, share common passions, enjoy individual passions and support each other' growth, discover new things and enjoy the good things in life together, are definitely desired for my fullest development in life companionship,so I can also bring my best to the relationship.

    Spot on! Thank you so much.
    My life partner is to be my best friend, with whom I can talk about everything; problem solve, share common passions, enjoy individual passions and support each other' growth, discover new things and enjoy the good things in life together, are definitely desired for my fullest development in life companionship,so I can also bring my best to the relationship.

  • Elizabeth
    Elizabeth Connecticut
    I'm standing! As a matter of fact ... you get a standing ovation on this one. Depth is essential...In any relationship. For anything in this world to remain alive and well it must be constantly growing. Relationships are no different ... they cannot grow unless the individuals are both growing. When each partner makes each other the priority in their lives, they will naturally grow together and their relationship will always be new and fresh and satisfying. Respect and admiration and a thirst for growth produces depth. These key ingredients for any healthy relationship are necessary for trust and love to flourish. Good one James! <3

    I'm standing! As a matter of fact ... you get a standing ovation on this one.

    Depth is essential...In any relationship. For anything in this world to remain alive and well it must be constantly growing. Relationships are no different ... they cannot grow unless the individuals are both growing. When each partner makes each other the priority in their lives, they will naturally grow together and their relationship will always be new and fresh and satisfying. Respect and admiration and a thirst for growth produces depth. These key ingredients for any healthy relationship are necessary for trust and love to flourish.
    Good one James! <3

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